Wengerian Triangles - September 2005
Geometry helps us understand how football works. For instance, how interesting will this season's Premiership be? It's easy enough to find out, using a Wengerian triangle (based on the proportions of the Arsenal manager's nose). You simply add together the stats of the previous two seasons, fall asleep and it will come to you.

This triangle also accurately reflects the dominance of the Big Three and when it is placed into a pie chart it represents the different amounts of press coverage the Big Three get compared to the rest of football. These charts show us that, left to its own devices, football will be eaten by itself, leaving just the big clubs to rule the Earth.

But it will all be fine, because there'll be loads of exciting and glamorous players to watch on telly.

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This feature first appeared in When Saturday Comes